When did this relationship get so sticky?

In love and business, partnerships, friendships, and debates, there are some topics that can bog dialogue down between a particular set of people. You may see eye-to-eye easily about topics that you have positive, loving, supportive, and generous assumptions about each other for, and then talk past each other and take offense easily for topics that have been marred by past experiences where trust was compromised, where egos are high, sense of need to defend yourself seems critical, and so on.

But the show must go on! Depending what’s going on in everyone’s lives, topics might get dodged and avoided. In your office, unimportant points of disagreement might continually swell up and become the focal point of the day over and over again while the elephant in the room becomes a disheartening background anxiety that no one bothers to speak up about or try to troubleshoot anymore. Motivation, momentum, and trust go down. Tension goes up. Time and money gets wasted, and everyone has less fun.

In a romantic relationship, partners might decide there’s no hope that the other person could understand them about some things, and that they will never appreciate their partner’s point of view about other things, and they might manage to fight less by withdrawing a little, but lose excitement and attraction and the chance to be loved better and surprised pleasantly in the process. Sex, love, and imagination suffer. It’s tiring. Maybe there was just one sore spot at the beginning, one scary thing, but it never went away and now the list goes on and on of pain points that have built up.

Sometimes, it’s simply time to leave, change places, change partnerships, change jobs, and so on. But in many cases, people haven’t really tried many truly creative solutions (if any) to connect more about the sticky topics because everyone’s heads begin to spin, walls go up, and the flexibility drains out as soon as the stress comes on. And it feels like there is no time. And sometimes, trying again sounds scary. But don’t you want to find the words and the style to say what you mean? Or try out a few new steps that don’t involve any words at all before you withdraw?

Each sticking point is a chance to air out and tighten up your own philosophies, face and loosen up your assumptions, and practice listening closely to what’s important about a certain tension that you have been presented with. Why does it get to you? Why does it get to them? What does everybody really, really want? What have you decided you can’t or won’t do in the conversation, no matter what? And what do you want your voice to sound like?

My love for philosophy of mind, desire studies, and creative writing make communication consulting and mediation one of my favorite forms of support to offer. Let me share my curiosity and focus with you to find a way out of conversations that go in circles, and a way to truly enjoy and be fluid with the circles that must be. The parts that make our hearts race are usually some of the best teachers we can ever meet!

Intuitive Mediation + Communication Consulting

$45 Per Hour

How do I know if this is for me/us?

  • You feel burdened by stopped-up, high-pressure, emotionally heated, or nonexistent conversations in your work or personal relationships.

  • You benefit from one-on-one conversations, feedback on questions that don’t seem to have a place to go yet, and accountability support in your missions.

  • You have difficulty dedicating time to beginning or continuing to work on improving the dialogue for a topic that’s been painful, heavy, or frustrating.

  • You are open to discovering relief by trying new communication strategies.

  • You know what your communication shortcomings or recurring faults are, but you aren’t sure how to improve them when you face stressful situations.

  • You feel defeated by faults in your conversational partner’s communication habits and you aren’t sure what you can do about that.

  • You feel limited by cycles of emotional reactions that happen too quickly for you to choose your responses to important situations and you want to experience more spaciousness.

  • You benefit from one-on-one conversations, feedback on questions that don’t seem to have a place to go yet, and accountability support in your missions.

  • You may also be interested in changing the scene of the discussions by having a supporting mediator guide the focus, ground high emotions, and track key points.

  • Hold Space to Be Surprised

  • Set Intentions That Resonate

  • Take Breaks

  • Keep the Focus

What do sessions look like?

Because I consult and mediate for a wide variety of topics in different kinds of relationships that each have their own histories and high stakes driving the desire to bring balance into the dialogue, escape cycles of negative experiences, and harmonize the connections, my strategy is always different.

I always take a personalized approach with a strong initial and continual focus on understanding the context and implications of tense topics, the history of what each involved person feels has been tried so far, how they feel that approach went, and what each person’s motive and level of interest is in engaging with the topic, other person, or group further.

Sometimes, less discussion of what’s been tried so far or history in general is needed or useful in order to unlock positive, healing, fluid, and relieving connection right now. But sometimes airing out the stories that have been echoing endlessly in everyone’s heads is the best place to start, and then beginning to get experimental and creative from there.

I listen carefully, ask important questions, take notes when it can be helpful, maintain neutrality and confidentiality, gauge, ground, and help interpret the meaning of emotional swells, offer observations, help everyone get a chance to speak or seize opportunities to speak when it serves them, share relevant stories and concepts, guide mood shifts and breaks, propose creative experiments and exercises for increasing care, flexibility, and understanding, and recommend resources.

Please note, I am not a lawyer, doctor, political campaigner, or therapist, but I am deeply invested in helping people find their way out of patterns of avoidance, communication habits that dishonor their highest potential and wisest inklings, and negative beliefs or vulnerabilities that harden their spirits, weigh on their minds and bodies, and block up their hearts, and I love being a part of the greater harmony and level of self-knowing that people can create and receive in their projects.

Whether I am working one-on-one to coach and consult on communication strategies with one person for dialogue and exchanges that involve other people, mediating dialogue directly for a two-person or group conversation in a personal or business setting, or supporting through a combination of those roles, I am here to help to help in every way that I can.

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

— Stephen Covey

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore—

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over—

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

— Langston Hughes, “Harlem”

Peacefulness is the gateway through which abundance is received.

— Richard “Blackhawk” Kapusta