Hi! I’m Nicoletta.

A few years ago, my experiments brought me to a workflow design management job in the population health studies and preventative care systems wing of a large health care technology company in the United States. During this time, I became aware of the kind of health-making service I wanted to dedicate myself to and share, and my transition to a new level of intentional living knocked my psyche into change-inspiring misery. While I was working there while knowing that I desperately wanted to leave, I had headaches constantly. I felt muzzled and restrained as a lover because I couldn’t explain what I was being in my life with pride and I was ashamed of that. And a lot of the movement muscles in my body atrophied. I was drama-queen-restless. But I also spent a lot of time in that uniquely peaceful, grounded, and observational state of depression where hitting the bottom becomes quiet, spacious, and comforting. And I loved many small things. I looked at my rabbits like tiny gods with secret wisdom that they might share with me in exchange for celery. I pushed my furniture around. I enjoyed sleeping outside when I could and taking long walks like I did as a lifeline through every previous depression. And I studied actively.

I acknowledged that I had been taking a painful break from my strong suits and ideal way of living by accepting the job I had taken, and I had learned a lot about my dream life through that process. I also received the gift of learning how to quit something with full faith and confidence. The trick of choosing mystery. And I made a lot of knowledge and power out of the challenge of finding personal health from a place of being so estranged from it. This company wasn’t evil, devoid of opportunities to do « good, » or lacking in thoughtful and intelligent people. But it wasn’t the ideal place for me to spend my time in anymore in order to get serious about what I realized it was my passion to amplify. It had served its purpose for me, and I had learned so much. I was ready to return to my strongest suits and become fully expressive again, and this place wasn’t a live wire for me to express my best judgements through, though it is a powerful space, and for some people it is the key location for them to work their magic in. Every beast is our beast, and some can work on bringing out its beauty from within its belly, while others can work on creating and holding down spaces of reprieve and perspective outside of that big powerful body and all the potential it has.